#10 - The Iliad

It's the freaking Iliad. Let's get that straight right away. Homer's epic poem about the Trojan War, and the hero Achilles and the rape (read: kidnapping) of Helen, and those thousand or so ships she launched. It's that Iliad. Beyond that, it's the freaking Chapman Iliad. George Chapman spent 11 years of his life dedicated to not only translating this into modern English, but retaining the rhyme and rhythm of the original. What results is a novel that has driving language and a beating movement to go along with the classical storyline.

That classical storyline is one that, even if you aren't wholly familiar with it, some elements should be familiar. The Greeks are furious with the Trojans for the rape of Helen, and so they launch their ships and begin kicking Trojan ass. However, their side is weakened because their single most powerful warrior, Achilles of the wussy heel, is throwing a hissy fit because of something that the bossman of the Greeks Agamemnon did to him. But the battle rages on regardless, with the gods interfering as they see fit, pushing the Greeks to the brink of disaster until, with a last wipe of a tear, Achilles stands up and decides to kick ass, wiping the Trojans up and down the beach.

Now, this sums up the entire storyline. Besides one or two books (chapters) chronicling the home lives of the two sides, that's it. Battle after battle, sort of dragging like the half-hour Lord of the Rings battle scenes, it loops endlessly through the same short motifs. Minor characters are introduced and killed in the same pattern. First, they are introduced and described by their father and homeland. Then they try to smite the major hero, who laughs, brushes the blow off, then proceeds to shank them, usually with a spear just under the nipple. Sometimes they even take the time to mock them for their pathetic attempts, and explain to them why they will burn in the afterlife. Another constant loop are the sacrifices of so many cows, goats and other hooved creatures that the book is banned from all Indian schools.

Essentially, it starts to smack of filler, much in the same way as Moby Dick. The proof is in the Arguments. Each chapter is summed up in an "Argument", about 16 lines of rhyming verse. This covers the entire content of the book. Then below that, there is "Another Argument", summing up that argument in a simple couplet. So right there, the entire novel is summed up in 48 lines. And yet we keep reading. Why? It's the freaking Iliad. Renowned for millenia, the pinnacle of everything schmancy for generations. So, I'm glad I finished it.

Interestingly, my pattern in reading it is much the same way as Chapman wrote it. You see, he wrote the first 12 books over 10 years, then powered through the last 12 in 15 weeks. I read the first 12 over 4 months, then nailed the second half in a night. So, just as Chapman did, I embraced the classic literature. I absorbed the flow and rhythms of the ancients. Finally, halfway through, I got fed up and blitzed through the entire thing.

5/10